Tag Archive | the dating game

Mirror, Mirror On The Wall

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I find it interesting, and a bit disconcerting, every single person I know has a very concrete idea of the person they think they want to find. A set of standards, things they are looking for, and things they are hoping to avoid.

This has brought me to some related questions/conclusions, along with today’s most valuable lesson. One question; if you are seeking someone with similar interests and you are a bookworm, couch potato, why are you dating athletic types who want to be on the go and haven’t read a book since college? A conclusion; people are basing their hopes on completely unrealistic ideals.

The previous conclusion leads into today’s self-evaluation topic. Before you can truly go about finding someone suitable to spend more than two weeks with, you should really figure out Who the Fuck Are You?! Truly, genuinely, inside and out.

When I read online dating profiles, I’m always amused. Guess what, every guy on *insert unnamed dating service*.com loves basketball, hiking, beaches, travel, romantic nights. Really???!!! All of you do, huh? Fascinating. Tell me more. (giant bit of sarcasm for you there, happy Friday!)

Obviously, there is a level of dishonesty in some cases. But I really do find in most cases, more than anything else, it’s them portraying their “ideal self”. The guy they would be, if only….. It’s the if only creating the problem.

My suggestion to anyone who is going to be dating is to take a look at themselves. An honest look. Sure, we all have those friends who are going to tell us how amazing we are, how stupid the entire single world is for not beating our door down, we’re beautiful/handsome, a total catch. This is awesome and everyone needs and deserves the support, believe me, there will be times when your ego is going to take major, undeserved hits. Those people need to be on standby for just such occasions.

The problem comes from believing all of the hype, all of the time. Yes, maybe you are beautiful, but then again, maybe your beauty is only skin deep. I’m sure you are amazing, but you probably have some flaws, too.

When I sat down recently to genuinely evaluate who I am and what I have to offer, I found that I like myself quite a bit. I also found myself disappointed in Me in several areas. (hey, I warned y’all I started seeing a psychologist after the first breakup with mi Colombiano, this shit is what we do)

The point wasn’t by any means to beat myself up, or to build myself up. It was to ground myself. Arm myself from unfair assessments by others, give me the ability to acknowledge the fair ones with grace, and the chance to work on areas I choose to change.

One of my best features is my unwavering support of those I care for, be it emotionally, physically, or other, I will do anything for someone I care about, putting myself aside to be there for them. One of my worst is I am judgemental…..yes, I am judging you: your hair, your shoes, those earrings, your inability to spell, etc…I am judgy.

Obviously, I dug much deeper than these issues, but hey, some stuff you people just don’t need to know. 😉

Have you ever done an honest character evaluation of yourself? Did you find it uplifting? Depressing? Do you think I should stop seeing this psychologist immediately?? LOL

 

 

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Playa, Playa….

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I did NOT create this picture, if I had, it would say “YOU’RE a player” not “your a player”….just sayin’

Let’s not fool ourselves. Every time anyone enters the dating arena, they will encounter the inevitable Playa’s. (I’m over all that, babe. I’m looking for the real thing now.) The two questions anyone who accepts a Playa as a potential date must ask themselves are simple. Do I have the self-confidence to deal with this man/woman? Do I feel like I will be able to sort through the canned lines and the real person, assuming there is one, beneath them?

I don’t fear the Playa’s of the world. Some people probably think, because I am honest about dating people with no commitment to anyone right now, I am a Playa. I would argue against that sort of assumption though. On the basis I am very upfront to potential dates, I don’t pretend my intentions are any different than they really are, and I am not hooking up with every guy who takes me out.

Of course, people have varying definitions of Playa’s, too. I mean, one girl’s Playa is another girl’s guy with a past. There is a difference, right? Or is there?

When I view them, I just see varying levels of Playa’s. I see the active Playa, one who is trying to score with a different person every night they go out, or more than one a night. I see the Pursuit Playa, chasing with vigor and then losing interest once the conquest is established. The Emotional Playa, wanting to gain the emotional dependence of their targets, before moving on. The Stealth Playa, the most dangerous, but also extremely rare. This is the Playa no one realizes is a Playa. No reputation precedes them, no canned or cheesy lines ever fall from their lips. They just blind side you.

The thing about me is, I don’t hate the Playa’s, or their game. I simply am bored by it. They don’t seem to realize, after hearing these things over and over, it just becomes tiresome. There is a place and time for every type of person. I can, and am, currently entertaining the notion of a Playa in the mix. I have no fear of them. I simply must be honest, though. The Playa is the least likely person for me to ever open myself up to. He would have to step up his game to a level most simply aren’t capable of managing.

We shall see. What type of Playa’s did I miss? Do all of us Think we can handle a Playa until we get caught up in one? Is there a little bit of Playa in everyone on the dating scene these days?