Tag Archive | new beginnings

The Vanishing (this is not a movie review)

I think I am now most famous for the drop off. You know, blogging away, posting regularly, then suddenly I just drop off. I can’t help it. I can, I just choose not to help it. Life gets in my way.

I started this new blog in the stream of chronicling what dating and romance are like for someone after 19 years of marriage. I stopped writing, well, quite simply, because I stopped dating. I realized I don’t care for this world’s idea of romance and relationships. I de-prioritized it.

I made lots of friends, met some real assholes, went some nice places and some not-so-nice places. Mostly though, I took a deep look at myself, what I want in life and who I would like to share it with, theoretically.

What I found was simple: I am a bright, moderately attractive, fun, stable person who has an open mind and heart. I am not a quick trick. I do not have any desire to pretend I need someone I genuinely don’t need. I am not capable of pretending to be a damsel in distress. I will handle my own shit, take care of me and mine, and still make room for another person.

I mention this because a guy I dated told me he would take care of me. Now, if he meant sexually, I would be all for it. If he meant he would meet the emotional needs of someone he cares about and was in a relationship with, I’m all for that, as well. Alas, niether of these were not what he meant. He just wanted to make sure I knew if I was dating him, he would pay for things, buy things, enrich my life, financially.

Modern day romance, aka prostitution.

I just can’t bring myself to do it. I can’t even count the number of my friends who have suggested taking that route. Find some rich guy and go with it. You deserve a break. It’s as easy to live with a rich guy as it is a poor one.

While I love my friends and I understand their desire to see me comfortable and having all of the material things I left behind in my divorce, the idea of being with someone for financial reasons, well, it just creeps me out.

So, I find myself sorting things out alone. Dating, via websites and friends ideal matches feels completely unappealing. My family and my career being my focus. I will be making major life changes throughout the next few months. Changes I will no doubt chronicle in some fashion.

Blogging is something I love and will, no doubt, continue to do. I just feel more in my own skin if the blog has no set topic. It just needs to be me. Real, honest, unashamedly me….so, be patient, as I give this little place an overhaul. New name, new look, old Shawn…little bit fun, little bit spicy, very opinionated, whole lot of Wicked. Time to get back to it!!