Majorus Interruptus

 

 

 

family-reunion-checklist

 

 

 

As promised, we will catch up on the new Cast Members and their respective entrances, exits, idiosyncracies, etc.

Majorus Interruptus will be a fun place to start. Flirtatious guy, older than me (we all know, in my book, that is a strike against him), raising 3 kids(one of whom should be raised by now!!!), moderately attractive, very clever….we will consider him a persistent contender.

He showed up “on scene”, not through the dating website. Got my phone number through a mutual acquaintance, then called to suggest lunch. He had been funny when I met him, was amusing on the phone when he asked, but I was unavailable for lunch at the proposed time, so he jumped right to the “clearly, we are destined to have dinner then” line. I acquiesced, and the plan was simple, just cruise around and sight see until we got hungry, then play the restaurant by ear.

He was smart to go with this plan, and to choose a casual jeans sort of dress code. It had been a physically and emotionally draining week for me and the laid back feel of the evening appealed to me.

He arrived on time, had completely acceptable jeans and pullover shirt on. Away we went for an evening cruise in a reasonable, but sporty muscle car. I was comfortable.

Conversation was smooth and easy. He and I were laughing a lot and it was very relaxing to just ride and not feel the need to worry about anything. We could be wherever we wanted to be, when we wanted to be there.

Until……..while showing me his old neighborhood, he asks if I would mind terribly if he ran in to check on his grandmother, since we were so close to her house. I could stay in the car and he would only be a moment. I didn’t see it as a huge deal, I would do the same, honestly.

When he went to her door, though, there was no answer. He got back in the car and called, also no answer. He was becoming concerned, when a white SUV jam-packed full of women pulled in behind us.

“Oh my hell!” being his response, I guessed immediately I was in for a treat. I was right. Grandmother, two Aunties, one cousin and a great cousin all come rolling out. So excited to see him, AND, of course, the lady friend(no joke, I was referred to as ‘the lady friend’). After an extremely warm and only mildly inquisitive visit with all of them, we beat a hasty retreat back to the car.

He was terribly apologetic and the whole thing really had just amused me. The women, while clearly judging me…..my appearance, my demeanor, my education and my family status….were incredibly warm, friendly and funny as hell.

We had been back on the road for about five minutes when he received a call. It was his mother, making it clear she expected him to stop in, what with every other woman in her family already calling and texting her about the lovely ‘lady friend’ Majorus Interruptus had with him at grandmother’s house.

I couldn’t help but laugh out loud, which ‘Mom’ heard over the bluetooth. If there is one thing I learned a long time ago, it is you don’t mess with Southern mommas. If I end up actually dating this guy, this is a necessary stop. He was in the process of arguing his way out of it when I stopped him. “We might as well go, it will keep us both out of trouble”, I chided. He pointed out to his mom I had said we should, and only then, was it acceptable for him to get off of the phone.

He was giving me pre-game instructions on all of his mom’s behavior, prepping me like we were about to head into battle. We arrived at a lovely little suburban home, like any other, except with X’s drawn on paper, placed on several windows of the front of the house.

“What the hell?!” was his response to seeing this, I was amused. As we entered the house of this perfectly coiffed, overly manicured woman, wearing something that reminded me of the clothes my friends and I wore while in New Orleans, he immediately asked of the X’s……..and we were off. I believe I said three words during the visit, I did get the full pictorial review of her trip to Paris, (paid for by the younger brother of my date) her trip to Disney, (paid for by his next to oldest brother) her trip to Germany to see his youngest brother, which, was only fair since she was going to see him, she pointed out). She only ‘suggested’ to Majorus Interruptus twice he should pay for her LightLift Facelift while we were there. Oh, and her computer is feeling a bit old, what with that new Windows system being out for so long now.

Somewhere in this onslaught, a text had come through to his phone from the daughter who should be raised by now. Did we want to join them for pizza at one of my favorite(unbeknownst to him) pizza places in Louisville? That was a Hell Yeah!

Not that I wasn’t having a fabulous time…………

So, we were hauling ass to extract ourselves from the tornado repellent(remember those X’s??) house. Almost making it out the door before ‘Mom’ asked what is apparently THE only thing she needed to know about me.

“What sign are you?” Seriously…….this was the Only question she asked me the entire time. I told her……….she was excited. Very well. I passed all kinds of tests I didn’t, as of this moment, care to even be taking.

When we were safely in the car, he looked at me and said, “As you can imagine, I’m used to high maintenance women. If anything, that is a big plus for women in my life.”

That is one way to look at it. The daughter, her boyfriend, and friends were a nice change of pace. Relaxed, out for some fun on a Friday night. It was enjoyable joining them.

After dinner we strolled down the streets of the city, to the Belvedere. It was quite lovely. After a bit of just looking out and talking about the madness of the evening, we decided it was time to head back home.

We did stop for a drink at a local bar, once we returned to our little town. Then, he dropped me off at home, apologized for the massive interruption to our plans, and kissed me on the cheek. His daughter had teased him at dinner about pretty much ensuring there would be no second date, to which I responded with a genuine laugh.

He asked me if I would text him the next morning and I said of course. Which I did……

So, now you’ve met Majorus Interruptus. What do you think?

Do we sink the Major’s ship because of some clear and present mommy danger?

Do we give him another go round and see if he can manage a family-less date?

Do we even care, since he was already barely passing means testing?

I know what I think, but I want to know what you think………..

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