In any current lineup of potential romances, Captain America, (not his real name) has to be mentioned first. He was the rebound guy after my divorce.
Cute, sweet, somewhat romantic, sexually adventurous, well travelled, educated….pretty much the total package.
Ahh, alas, poor Captain America! We dated for six truly fun weeks. We went to nice restaurants, hung out and cooked together, movies, flowers, surprise gifts, phone calls just because he wanted to hear my voice…he really was a stellar boyfriend. Don’t get me wrong, he was not perfect, but stellar is pretty fucking hard to find.
Then I started to feel something for him…there is a reason we call them ‘rebounds’, they are supposed to help you get comfortable with the new situation, then you bounce. Bounce, I did. He was, unbeknownst to me at the time, crushed a little. Crushed enough, in fact, to make a series of bad choices while we spent about 6 weeks not talking at all.
I was shocked when he showed up to see me out of the blue one Sunday morning. We hung out, played catch up and just enjoyed laughing and talking…….being near one another. I cannot even begin to tell you the number of times in that one hour, he told me how great I looked and how good it was to see me. It was really good to see him, too. The attraction was still there, and the spark was definitely still there.
I took a risk, sent him a text telling him I was, once again, very sorry about breaking up with him and would truly love to try again. The next day, without a response to the text, he came into my work to see me. He didn’t mention the text message, it was just more flirting, long glances, laughing and just being around one another. He had learned during the period we had dated, when I was slow in the afternoon, had timed it perfectly, and was there for close to two hours.
These visits happened two more times, until one Friday afternoon, he responded to the text message. In his response, he explained how hurt he had been when I abruptly ended things, how much he had missed our ease and comfort level, all while the energy between us was electric. Then…….BOOM! He explained he would be leaving for a month, during which time, his old girlfriend, whom he had brought over from Germany two weeks after I broke up with him, was going to move back to Germany. He would very much like for us to see one another again when he returned, though.
Pardon my French, but Are You Fucking Kidding Me???!!! All these hour, hour and a half long visits, flirting, innuendo, and you’re old girlfriend was living with you? Not okay. My response to his text was simple. “I feel humiliated by taking the step forward to suggest we could be together again. You added to it by making it seem as if you were available and interested. Failing to mention you had your old girlfriend fly over here to live with you, just two weeks after we broke up. So, no, I don’t think we will be seeing one another when you return.”
It was the last text message I would send him for close to 3 months. He sent several messages, that day and during the subsequent month. I ignored them.
Then, after I had ended a very brief relationship with the Jamaican, I ran into Captain America at a local grocery. I hate the fact there is no escaping the instant spark between us, EVERYTIME! We chatted for a bit and he was telling me he was leaving for work , two weeks in Europe. We laughed, caught up and went on our seperate ways to finish shopping.
Three weeks later, Captain America appeared before me in my store, devilish grin on his face. “Welcome back! What have you done and why do you look like the cat who ate the canary?” His smile widened, “I’ve racked my brain trying to figure out for months how to get you to go out with me again after my major fuckup.” I couldn’t help but laugh, “How’s that working out for you?” He produced two tickets from his pocket, grinned and told me it had all finally come together. I grabbed the tickets and was done. “You win.” was the only response I had, that and giggles of delight.
Captain America was the only man I had been involved with after my divorce who would show up with tickets to Wicked and Know, without a doubt, he had me. It worked for him, because he knows my weaknesses.
We began to text, go out to eat, have some insanely hot sex, and see Wicked together. There was an upfront understanding this time, though. If either of us started to feel more than our basic connection, we would talk about it, not run.
He failed. In all the time we had known one another, all the times we had sex, we never spent the night at one another’s house. I realize this may seem strange, looking back, it is strange, but it was just this unspoken understanding. Somehow, for Captain America and I, this act, more than any other, would signify something much deeper.
Imagine my surprise when he tells me one night he is going to spend the night, if it’s okay with me. It was okay with me. Later, after having some fun upstairs, we decided we wanted a wine and cigarette break. He headed downstairs before me. When I arrived at the bottom of the steps, he was texting someone. I pulled a bottle of wine out and gave it and the corkscrew to him. His phone vibrated on the table…I went to reach up in the cabinet to grab glasses….he spoke…”Ummm, before you do that, and I know you’re going to be furious with me, but I’m going to have to go.”
I closed the cabinet and turned to face him. There was no more than two minutes of conversation, then I asked him to just get his things and leave. He left promising to make it up to me and explain everything the following morning.
He explained everything, via text, the following morning. His brother…..blah, blah, yadda, yadda…..his brother and sister-in-law’s interference and their constant use of him had been an issue we had discussed on numerous occasions. Sometimes even a valid reason, just isn’t good enough.
We didn’t talk for a couple of months. (at this point, I realize you must be thinking I’ve lost my mind for letting this guy in my life over and over, truth be told, writing all of this makes me really be honest and evaluate everything……WTF Me??!!)
Then, as is his way, when enough time had passed, or he got bored, or maybe he really did miss us, as was his reasoning, he resurfaced. Let’s just have sex, no strings attached. His timing couldn’t have been more perfect. I immediately said yes to the proposition. We are currently in this strange limbo where we space out encounters by enough time to not get attached. He will be leaving the country for two years in July. The potential for a romantic whirlwind always exists with Captain America.
I am very cautious with him now, he is reserved with me. Then, twenty minutes of being around one another and we simply fall back into the same routine, affectionate gestures, meaningful conversation, etc.
I can’t decide yet, is Captain America a hero, or possibly a villian in this romantic endeavor. Time for your thoughts. Should I give Captain America a license to fly, put myself out there again, or just ride the occasional wave until he departs for other parts?